Things to do in Bar Lecture When You're Dead

It’s been odd sitting in bar class for the past month or so without the amusement usually derived from looking at other people’s computer screens. Throughout law school I was lucky enough to spy on one dude trying to hook up with a fat, married chick, countless YouTube videos, and the constant AIM shit- talking that law students are so adept at. Now, when my mind needs wander, I have been forced to amuse myself with a more traditional sort of entertainment: staring at people. I can...

1) Watch the chick with the fake tits and incredibly curly hair get up and walk around for no reason whatsoever. She throws away trash, gets Dr. Peppers, stands up, pees 4 times an hour, and does countless other things one could do during the break, possibly because her fake tits command her to do so.

2) Stare at the annoying couple lovingly caress each other’s back whilst trying to hold back projectile vomit.

3) Glare at the dude sitting next to me who has the following note-taking accessories at his disposal: 3 highlighters (blue, yellow, green), 2 pens (one black, one red), one bottle of water, one mug of coffee, one cell phone, a watch, his barbri badge, the newspaper, and a pack of gum. Kind of like the bus in the movie Speed, this guy will explode if he isn’t constantly picking up, setting down, or eating one or more of the above items at any given moment, all while shaking the table violently with “happy leg” disorder.

4) Watch the bird trapped in the warehouse fly into things, hoping it will shit on any of the aforementioned people.