The Conspiracy...

With Round One of the NBA playoffs behind the Spurs, it's time to let people in on a little known secret that is permeating the league: the Spurs Conspiracy. All across the NBA, you find them. Ex-Spurs. Ex-Spurs coaches. Running teams, making moves, sabotaging their franchises with trades and inconsistent philosophies.

Steve Kerr: Goes to Phoenix and brings in Shaq (and Shaq's gigantic man-bra). Even acquires Grant Hill for a laugh.

P.J. Carlesimo: former Spurs assistant coach, heads to Seattle and the Spurs get Kurt Thomas, with the added bonus of re-signing Brent Barry.

Avery Johnson: The Lil' General - we ship him to Dallas and he "forgets" to teach his team how to play defense or to attack the basket. He introduces Josh Howard to marijuana.

Doc Rivers: he's out there, coaching the Celtics. But we all know who he works for. His job: get them to the Finals and then roll over.

Mark Cuban: He's not a part of the conspiracy, he's just an idiot who helps the Spurs by default.

Luis Scola: former draft pick of the Spurs. He's the main inside threat should the Rockets face the Spurs down the road. He's going to magically sprain his ankle when Popovich gives him the signal.

Larry Brown: The Spurs like to send this guy from team to team, where he totally screws with everything and then leaves, searching for his next victim.

Danny Ferry: Former Spur and current Cavs GM ensured Cleveland made it to the Finals last year. We all know how that went.

Chris Paul: The former Wake Forest guard idolizes Tim Duncan, and he is part of the conspiracy without even realizing it. He can't bring himself to stop the back-to-back title run.

Popovich. He is the mastermind. He is Deep Throat. I don't know what kind of training he received during his time in the Air Force, but his five years overseas in the Soviet Union must have made him very ... persuasive. There are other pieces of the conspiracy out there, working in the shadows to ensure Spur domination.

The only problem... L.A. The Spurs have no one on the inside there.... And apparently the Grizzlies and Lakers have their own conspiracy working... Should be an interesting conference finals against L.A.