New, Improved Fed. R. of Evi.

Rule 1:

Just let everyone testify. Perverts, aliens, cats, dogs, parrots, cartoon characters, all of them. Dead. Alive. Excited and insane uttering perverted parrots. Your baby's mama can testify. That talking guitar that Peter Frampton has - let it take the stand and rock. The Bible. It can testify. Stephen Hawking's machine voice and the Radiohead robot voice from Fitter, Happier. Again, no objections here. Know a Transformer? I bet they are some truthful sonsofbitches.

Rule 2:

Think the defendant is a crack head? Call him a crack head. Our juries aren't so easily fooled. Did the Plaintiff take a dump and not wash his hands in 1967? The jury needs to know this, and if you feel like coming to court to tell them, why should anyone stop you? I certainly won't object. Maybe you didn't even see it happen, maybe someone told you, but now they live in Finland and when they told you they were being treated by a radiologist they recently divorced. American juries can sort through it all.

I move for an Emergency Law Thing to have these rules applied no later than Monday.