best laid plans...

I guess I have to come to terms with the fact that things aren’t going according to plan....

The Vision

I awake every morning at 7am and recite the Bill of Rights and Pledge of Allegiance, which I had blown-up to 125-point font, laminated, and glued to my bedroom ceiling. Getting out of bed I turn on the coffee and allow myself five minutes of internet news browsing—no sports—only the Times. By 7:10 I am taking the dog on a briskly-paced walk, waiving to neighbors and imagining various tort scenarios that could play out if my dog were to become unleashed and maim a mentally handicapped member of a quasi-suspect group. 7:45 and I am home, breakfast appears somehow, and it is time for yoga and other mystical eastern arts of mental clarity. Shower. Floss. Check for testicular cancer. 8:30 and I am ready to be one with the law. The next 8 hours are spent absorbing every nuance of every statute, outlining essay topics, and creating 10-27 letter mnemonics for the MBE. During my allotted 5 minute break I memorize state capitals and learn the geography of Eastern Europe. There is no need to use the bathroom because my body is perfectly efficient. Dinner is delivered by an elderly neighbor who is indebted to me for rescuing her cat after a freak hot-plate accident (strict liability?) set her house ablaze. She lives in my shed and cooks homemade gnocchi with a summer tomato sauce that is so delicious you weep. After dinner I enjoy a non-alcoholic beer, balance my check book and correspond with indigenous prisoners I hope to one day represent after I pass the bar exam. In bed by 9:30, I dream of John Marshall.

Tomorrow I'll give you the reality...