Hawaii

The story of our vacation follows, for anyone who would care. It was totally awesome. Almost tubular. We started off on Wednesday, May 15th, and flew from Dallas to Honolulu. Things began inauspiciously, though, when on the flight from L.A. to Honolulu we were surrounded, quite literally, by some of the most ridiculous people I've ever seen on an airplane. 12 passengers, all with matching shirts that read "Hawaii '08 - It's on like Donkey Kong." The back of the shirt displayed a large ape, presumably Donkey Kong, climbing all over the 5 Hawaiian islands. Almost immediately, the ring leader of the group began to order beers for everyone, stating in a voice more appropriate for a loud crowded bar that "he had had10 beers already" and calling anyone in his group who refused to drink a "pussy ass pussy." I was convinced this kid was maybe 2 days over 21. We later found out he was 29, a fact that made me laugh out loud for at least a full minute. Eventually they drank themselves into a stupor, but not before denying everyone within a 5-row radius a wink of sleep.

For the first 5 nights we stayed in Oahu, at the Hale Koa hotel in Honolulu, a hotel built predominantly for our country's servicemen and women. The location was perfect, right in the heart of Waikiki beach. We spent our first day at Pearl Harbor, and though it was a very somber place, there was also a deep sense of respect for those men and women who were involved in the tragic events of December 7, 1941. I have a fascination with the second World War, and the Arizona Memorial provides a strong sense of what happened, the mistakes made so clear by hindsight, and the element of chance that factored into the catalyst that sped America to war. I can't imagine visiting Hawaii and missing this memorial.

Oil still seeps out of the USS Arizona, an eerie reminder of the tomb just below the surface

That evening we went to an authentic Hawaiian luau. The host for the evening was Glenn Medeiros, who became a source of great amusement once we learned that he was some teenage heartthrob singer in the late 80's, with such hits as "Nothings Gonna Change My Love for You" and some song he did with Bobby Brown called "She Ain't Worth It." He was originally from Hawaii, and now he lives in Honolulu and teaches high school history. At least he has taken his career in stride, unlike some celebrities.

The next day we spent enjoying a beach on the Southwest portion of Hawaii. Then I think I wasted a few hours watching basketball. Damn Spurs..

On Saturday morning it was time to skydive. As our plane went up to 14,000 feet, I kept wondering how I got myself into this situation... The human mind is capable of many impressive balancing acts, and one of my favorite is logic v. terror. Logically, and statistically, skydiving is safer than a lot of things we do, such as driving on I-35 or eating at Taco Bell. My tandem divemaster guy had jumped out of a plane over 11,000 times, and yet, when they slide open the door on the side of the plane, it is difficult to maintain a grip on logic. Luckily, there wasn't much time to dwell on the 5000 different things that could go wrong, and we were soon falling through the sky, sixty seconds, and then the parachute. It was simply indescribable, and I hope to do it again. After skydiving we took a drive along the North coast and then headed to the "market" in the Aloha Bowl parking lot. Not too exciting, but still a good time. Cheap souvenirs aplenty.

Sunday we got up early, which was easy to do thanks to the time difference, and headed to Diamond Head State Park. The view from the top of Diamond Head was just another in a series of breathtaking views. 360 degrees of cool shit to look at - including the volcano crater, and a sweet-ass lighthouse, for those of you who are lighthouse fans, you know what I'm talking about.

Damn that is a sweet-ass lighthouse.

The rest of the day we went snorkeling and toured more of the coast. The landscape was stunning, and we had to stop a few times just to snap pictures of the water...



On Monday we flew to Kauai, the oldest of the islands, and considered the most beautiful by 9 out of 10 guidebooks. We stayed at the Hilton Kauai, and the grounds alone were enough to keep me happy - there's something about a bar by the ocean that feels... right. We hung out on Monday and drove around to check out one of the bajillion waterfalls on the island.

Tuesday was helicopter day. It was a very good day. The helicopter didn't crash, which is more than I can say for a few recent tourists... On Monday, I met a guy at the hotel bar who was there on business investigating a helicopter crash. This was not anything I wanted to hear after successfully avoiding death during skydiving. I asked him what company was involved in the crash, which he couldn't tell me. Then I called him a bitch. I kid.. Finally, I asked him what company he would fly with if he were taking a helicopter tour, and I was relieved when he said Blue Hawaii, the company we went with. Then I called him a crash-investigating bitch. I kid some more...


I think I took more pictures during the one-hour helicopter ride than anyone should ever take. Basically, everything looks cool as shit from the helicopter, but most of the pictures suffer from excessive reflective glare (a term I just invented), and so you'll see a breathtaking shot of the coastline, with a reflection of my hairy leg superimposed on the shot.

The final day on Kauai we went to see some blowhole, which can only be described as "majestic." I can't imagine any blowhole not being majestic. And, this is where I thought I lost my wallet somehow, when in fact it was sitting in the bathroom at the hotel. Ah, the early onset of Alzheimer's...

A blowhole gets totally majestic spouting ocean water everywhere

And so we left Hawaii and went on to Detroit for a friend's wedding, which was very cool because I'd never been to an Indian wedding. Lots of dancing, but not a lot of booze. As an awkward white person, I didn't know that wedding dancing and booze could exist without one another...

The end.

Now that feels better....

Wow. Not that I ever wish bodily harm on anyone, but when people this dumb do something this dumb and then tell the police the honest truth about how stupid they are, well, god bless America.

In other news, I'm off to Hawaii for a week on the in-laws dime. It just feels good to say that. God Bless America once again.

In still other news, the Spurs are showing signs of life. Game 5 win would be HUGE. Spurs.