Sword in the Gatorade

I do not claim to be a strong man. The site of my bicepts does not make a woman swoon. However, I am also not a complete weakling. Yet, my recent frustration with Gatorade brand sports drink has moved me to return to my blog, even in the face of so much law review and clerkship bullshit, and state for the record that Gatorade can suck a dick.

I don't know what sort of creamy-balled roid heads drink this shit, but I've been peeling layers of skin off of my hands trying to get to their delicious Fierce Mountain Rain after an apparently useless workout.

3L OCI

Attorney From Office in Exotic Location: "So, did you get an offer from the firms you worked for last summer?"

Student with Friends in Exotic Locations: "Oh, yeah, but I really disliked everyone. And they, um, ran over my dog."

Attorney From Office in Exotic Locations: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that... Well, I see you worked in Dallas, so what draws you to a Miami firm?"

Student with Friends in Exotic Locations: "Well, I think I might have family in Miami. I saw the movie Scarface - twice - and when Miami beat Dallas in the Finals this year, that pretty much sealed the deal. Oh, and Elian Gonzales, too."

Attorney From Office in Exotic Location: "Well, it says here on your resume that you enjoy Hurricanes, influxes of immigrants from various nations, and Art Deco."

S.W.F.I.E.L.: "My parents raised me to celebrate diversity. I'm also a big believer in ziggurat rooflines and terrazzo floors."

A.F.O.I.E.L.: "Your knowledge of architecture is impressive. What specifically about our Exotic Firm interests you?"

S.W.F.I.E.L.: "I worked in litigation last summer, but what really interests me are hedge funds and corporate work."

A.F.O.I.E.L.: "Well, we don't do corporate work."

S.W.F.I.E.L.: "Did I mention I have family in Miami?"

The End of an Era...

With the frantic beginning of school, getting liquored up, and several burgeoning hatreds (the Centralized Mail Out, Honorable Judges that require undergraduate transcripts, road humps), I almost forgot to show proper respect to a legendary blawger - BV&W - the patron e-saint of cynical law students. His final post was vintage Wings, reminding us of why we bothered to post comments and debate the merits of Supreme Court nominees on his blog: it's up to us to recognize and celebrate the absurdity and humor of what we do.

Thanks Mike - here's to your movement to eliminate the soulless pricks.

Godzillatron... Sponsored by Dasani

Aside from the nasty sunburn I received on the left side of my face and neck, the most unfortunate thing about Saturday's shellacking of UNT by the Longhorns would have to be the debut of the highly touted Godzillatron at Memorial Stadium. Spanning over 134 feet wide and 55 feet tall, the potential for the new 'tron was unprecedented in college sports.

Saturday morning rolls around, an electric atmosphere ready to watch the Horns defend their title, and there is the Godzillatron, 60% of it covered in advertisements. Awesome. No information about the players, limited stats, but fuck I could go for some Taco Bell about now. I imagine most people didn't even notice, and I suppose someone has to pay for the thing, but Jesus - when Chuck Norris is talking about an upcoming ultimate fighting event, he deserves the full screen. Chuck Norris, who coincidentally went to my sister's restaurant this weekend, entered through the back door escorted by 4 bodyguards. Chuck Norris needs bodyguards? Weak. The world has gone crazy.