wha happened?

I think I have ADD, or something like it. I'll be at work, reading something, and then I'll think to myself "is Fidel Castro dead?" And I don't even know the answer to that question because I don't really pay much attention to the news these days; there really isn't any reason. I can pretty much guarantee that the stories read something like this: (1) something horrible happened in Iraq; (2) a Republican is gay; (3) random sports scandal; (4) this type of story (for some reason, the news never gets tired of showing buildings getting demolished); (5) celebrity scandals and (6) a baby panda was born somewhere. And so I go online, and then forget that I even wanted to find out about Castro and instead I am jumping around between the 8 different websites I know of, and then someone sends me an email and what will I have for lunch today? and i still don't know if Castro is dead, and I don't even want to know anymore, but it sure did distract me earlier.

Luckily I work for the government now, and no one really seems to mind, and I wonder how many people I know are as incredibly unproductive as I am. I guess I'll find out when I have to bill by the second next year...

Billboard's #1 Firm Theme Song

Every once in a while someone will send me something so ridiculously awful that I would stop what I'm doing at work and post a link to share with, I don't know, my sister, or whoever.

What I want to know is (1) who is singing this and (2) where did their career go so horribly wrong that they are forced to sing law firm theme songs?

It did kind of get me pumped up for the day, though, almost as much as the Ultimate Warrior (which has probably become my most favorite YouTube video of all time - I think one could find the tenets of a new religion in the Warrior's ramblings).

Waiting for September...


The past few weeks have been kind of hectic. Settling into to a new house, a new city, new job, all of that can be kind of exhausting. This is the only weekend I'll have that doesn't involve guests visiting, weddings, or being out of town for the foreseeable future. So, as a result, little writing, and actually very little to write about, unless you want to know about antique auctions and why they are incredible. And yes, they are incredible. If they sold booze at antique auctions I would buy season tickets.


This part of the year is absolute worst. While I know many people could care less about sports, the fact is that sports are usually a pretty good gauge of what time of year we're dealing with. When I turn on ESPN and find baseball, I'm usually mildly irritated. But, when I turn on ESPN and find little league baseball, I am sincerely outraged. Is this the best we can do to entertain people?? Watching parents from Canada yell at their pimply-faced kids in HD while some kid from Saudi Arabia steals home on a wild pitch is something that reminds me I can change the channel. The moral is: this time of year is crap. 100 degree weather, hurricanes, and back to school.

But wait, the only other thing on is the 7 seconds of Michael Vick footage where he walks in and out of a courthouse. This guy is so amazingly stupid that he almost makes me want to write him hate mail. The fact that he called the operation "Bad Newz Kennels" and couldn't pay someone else to do his dirty work boggles the mind. He should have to spend a year in jail, and then participate in a live televised event on FOX where he has to escape from 4 pissed off pitbulls, where the only way he can escape would be to throw 3 complete passes in a row to Falcons receivers. And, just to spice it up, we'll let people gamble on it, so Vick can appreciate it. I like the dogs' chances.

September can't come soon enough.

A Kinder, Gentler Satan

The new neighborhood is kind of interesting. I always enjoy a good friendly message from a sign about whatever topic the sign feels like sharing with me. I learn a lot from billboards. This one, a few blocks from my house, made me reach for the camera. I'm not surprised that Satan will "steal kill" for me, I pretty much figured that (and, actually, this seems kind of useful), but the "Love Satan" caught me off guard. Seems like "Eat shit and die, Satan" would be more appropriate, or maybe "Go Screw Yourself, Satan."

Anyway, life in Dallas continues... Work starts Monday. Boooooo.

14 days?

So, I am a Dallasite. I have been told that this is what I am now. In a little over a week I start working at the courthouse downtown, and I probably won't be able to keep this bit of procrastination going. Especially because fantasy football will be kicking into gear. We'll see.

Dallas is hot and heavily paved. I now own a house, which is a strange feeling. I have spent more time in large stores full of useless decorative knick-knacks then I care to think about. The rest of the time I have been in home-depoish stores. I now smell like a mix of scented candles and sawdust. At some point the madness will stop, either when my credit card is declined or the house is "done." I am hoping for sooner than later.

The house is cool, though, in a good neighborhood. It is a good neighborhood because it is close to downtown. I don't understand how people commute for more than 20 minutes to work. Maybe that's why everyone in Dallas owns (or leases, I guess) nice cars, in order to be comfortable whilst sitting on the highways... I have much to learn about this city.

The most amazing thing, though, is the cable company. I cannot live without the internet. I don't know how to read a map anymore, the yellowpages overwhelms me, and without access to google life is ridiculously complicated. It is going to take Time Warner 14 days to come and hook up internet at my house. This seems absurd to me, like it should be a violation of some law. It's good business for this coffee house though. Gotta support the local businesses.