Why are those two Flat-Chested Girls Wailing on Each Other?

Oh... that makes sense.

Only in Dallas. Or Vegas. We're in elite company here, folks. I wonder if this competition is open to post-op trannies? I'll see you there. 'Cause I'm classy. And because it sounds awesome. Oh, and a portion of the proceeds will be donated to breast cancer research, which raises some more questions: 1) how much will be donated; and 2) does this somehow attentuate the complete and "udder" lack of class associated with this train-wreck?

Points

I love points. I really do. It doesn't matter how I get them, what they're for, or when they expire. And I've always loved them. I can recall my days as a fourth-grader at Thousand Oaks Elementary, racking up the points in math class by answering multiplication questions faster than the kids next to me. Said points could be exchanged for, I don't know, some craptacular plastic spider ring or maybe a pack of candy cigarettes (we had cool teachers). Whatever. It didn't matter. The point was getting the points. At the arcade I needed to have to high score at Galaga.

My love for points could quite possibly be genetic. I can recall many meals out with my dad where our choice of restaurant was limited to those offering "10 for 1" skymiles. I could respect that, though, being a "points" man, so it wasn't too irritating.

The thing is, these days, it seems like there are almost too many points out there. It doesn't seem to matter what I'm interested in doing, some marketing genius has found a way to "reward" me. Going to Spurs game? I can get some Spurs rewards. Buying a computer at Best Buy? Getting some reward points. Paying bills online? Now I can get me some points. Flying? Those bastards started it all. Sandwich at Which Wich? You know damn well I'm getting my card punched. 12-pack of Coke at the store. Hmm. Don't see any points yet. Oh, wait, open up the 12-pack and there are some Coke rewards points that can be redeemed online. Shit yeah. Gettin' me a free matinee movie ticket.

I guess it isn't a bad thing when companies try to generate loyalty and give something back to repeat customers. It's just hard to keep up with, and for those of us obsessed with our points, it's even more difficult. For example, the other day I ended up ordering 9 magazine subscriptions with some old Continental Airlines points that I will never use (because Southwest has a better points system). I don't even need 9 magazine subscriptions. But they were free, no strings attached, as long as I remember to cancel all 9 of them after one year. I might keep Cat Fancy, though. That shit looks tight.

In other news, Thanksgiving was good. Good to see family and gorge myself. For the next post I'm working on putting together a list of my top ten most hilarious internet videos. It will be amazing. Let me know if you have any suggestions....

I'm Investing in Crack Pipes

If certain retroactive sentencing changes are enacted, an estimated 20,000 federal prisoners could serve shortened sentences for their crack cocaine offenses. All joking aside, I think this is a step in the right direction for eliminating racial disparities in federal drug sentencing. I really don't see the value of keeping someone encarcerated simply because they have used a certain drug; once they have served a reasonable sentence and have been given the opportunity to undergo treatment that should be the end of it. We use valuable federal resources - prison space and tax dollars - to keep these people locked up for lenghty prison sentences.

Here's hoping the changes go into effect and that our criminal justice system can spend its time pursuing those more deserving of scrutiny... like this Barry Bonds fellow.

Apparently the Goo Goo Dolls have a greatest hits album that was just released. That's all I got, but I've been laughing about it for a day or so. This is the perfect Christmas gift. Not for me, but for someone you really, really dislike.

Off the Charts

There is only one way to describe the "hit counter" for the Texas Board of Law Examiner's website - ridiculous. A friend recently sent me an email alerting me to the activity, and wow, the page is getting like 50 hits a second, if the counter is accurate. I click refresh and watch the tally climb. I wonder how many people visit the site just to watch the numbers move - it's kind of hypnotic... I also wonder if some people have designed a program to check the site every 5 seconds. It's out of hand, but there can't be that many people who have taken the exam - so who is so damn curious?? Firms? Well-wishers? Haters?

Either way, the list will be out when it's out, and then the real fun begins.